Hating the Player
by germanfanfictioner
Summary: Kendall Knight is a player. He uses people and hurts them. His new target is Logan Mitchell. But Logan hates him. Why does Logan hate Kendall so much? And what will happen when Kendall develops deeper feelings? Rating for now. AU. MPREG
1. Chapter 1

**So this is my new story. I hope you guys like it. It will be mostly Kendall's POV**

**Chapter One**

My name is Kendall Knight. I am 16 years old and a junior in High School. My High School is the Duluth West High. I live with my mom and my ten-year old sister Katie. They support me no matter what. I really love them both and would do anything for them. My dad left when I was 7. I am bisexual and the king of High School. I am the most popular guy, captain of the hockey team and have a bunch of friends. And I am the one you would call player. I sleep with everyone I find attractive. I get everything I want and everyone I want. I love it to make people squirm. I love it to hurt people emotionally and I don't want to show off, but my list of people I had sex with is really long. I started it in freshman year. My dream is to be a professional hockey player for the Minnesota Wilds.

My best friends are James Diamond and Carlos Garcia. They are the best guys I know and the only people I care about, except my family.

James is sixteen years old, too. His mother has a shitload of money. She is Brooke Diamond, the CEO of Diamond cosmetics. Brooke is never at home and his dad left before he was born, so he was mostly at my place. James is really attractive: tall, brunette, hazel eyes. He has a handsome face and an amazing body. He is in the hockey team as well and one of my co-captains. He wants to be a famous singer, actor and model. James is member of the choir and the drama club. To be honest, James is kind of a narcissist and focused on his looks. But he is a great friend. James is bisexual, like me. He always says _'I am to pretty for just one gender.'_

Carlos is the same age as James and I. He is short, has black hair, brown eyes and is bulky and muscular. Obviously he is Latino. He is the other co-captain of the Hockey team. He has three older brothers. Carlos father is chief of the Duluth Police Department and Mrs. Garcia is cook. Carlos is always hyper and bubbly and sometimes childish. He is the kind of person everyone likes. Carlos has this warm, friendly aura, just like his mom. Carlos never makes plans. He is very spontaneous so he doesn't know what to do with his future.

We met the first day of pre-school and became immediately friends. We are as close as brothers. And together we are running the school, but I am the leader of our little group.

~Hating the Player~

I woke up when my alarm went off. I groaned and hit it with my fist. The first day of my junior year. I dragged myself into the bathroom and took a long, nice and relaxing shower. Then I went downstairs into the kitchen.

»Morning, honey. «

»Morning, mom. «

I kissed the top of Katie's head.

»Hey, baby sis. «

»Hey, big brother. «, she replied softly.

Katie seems to be a really sweet girl, but at one point in the future we all will be working for her.

»Any special plans for your first day? «, mom asked.

I had special plans, but they were not something you would tell your mom. I mean you can't just tell your mom that you are the biggest player and heartbreaker in the history of your High School. So instead of telling her that I planned to add another name to my list, I just shrugged and said:

»James and Carlos are coming over. «

»She said special plans. Your two moronic friends are almost every day here. «

»Katie, language! «

After we talked for a few minutes, I grabbed my stuff and headed to my car. I got my car to my sixteenth birthday. I almost freaked out when I saw the new shiny BMW standing in our driveway. And the girls and guys love it. I drove to Carlos house and picked him and James up. They lived in the same street.

»Hey, Kenny. «

I rolled my eyes and chuckled.

»Hey, Los. «

They both climbed into the car and I drove off to school.

»So, Kendall. Which lucky guy or girl you are going to fuck next? «

I laughed.

»Don't know. I have to see if there is someone attractive left on our school. «

Carlos huffed.

»What's wrong? «, James asked.

»You know exactly what's wrong! «

We looked puzzled at him.

»I hate it that you are a whore, Kendall. How often do I have to tell you? You should stop with sleeping around and messing with people. «

I chuckled.

»Not gonna happen. «

He glared at me. But James took a corndog out of his bag and gave it Carlos. Did I mention that Carlos is obsessed with them? When we arrived at school, Carlos wasn't mad anymore. We got out and went to the school office to get our schedules for this year. I walked to my locker and looked bored through the crowd. The people I saw were either on my list already or not my type. I didn't even saw some cute freshmen! After I put some things in my locker I wouldn't need now, I turned around and went to my first class. After a few steps I saw a guy. A hot guy. Well, technically I just saw his backside. But when I stared at his butt, I wanted nothing more then pounding into him, until he couldn't walk for a week. I went over to him and leaned against the locker next to his, so the open door of his locker separated him and me. When he closed his locker I could see his face. And damn he was cute. He had short, spiked, black hair, pale skin and chocolate brown eyes. He wore a sweater vest and normal jeans. His eyes narrowed when he saw me.

»Hey there cutie. Are you new? You know I could give you always a tour. If you know what I mean. «

I licked my lips and wiggled suggestively with my eyebrows.

»I am not new. In fact I know you since pre-school. But you never noticed me, of course. I am the one you always pick at with your stupid friends, in case you were busy whoring around. I know you, Knight. I know every trick you use. I know what you do after you got what you want. But your little tricks won't work with me. And you know why? Because I fucking hate you! So never talk to me again! «

He glared at me and walked away. I was shocked. No one ever dared to speak like that with me. I decided he would get a special kind of humiliation and punishment. Of course after I got his nice little ass.

I can't deny, that a part of me was bothered with what he said. I was the second time that day someone called me whore. And I tried to understand why he hated me. I mean I never did anything to him. I would have considered that I slept with his girlfriend of something, but I just sleep with hot girls and that guy looked like a nerd. And no nerd would ever get one of the girls I usually get. When I walked into my first class (AP English, by the way), I saw my new target sitting already on a table. I sat down next to him and smirked at him. He tensed and got a new place. I smirked again.

_'I love challenges. '_

**How did you like it? Should I continue? **

**I am sorry for its shortness.**

**Please review. **


	2. Chapter 2

**15 reviews! I love you guys so much. **

**Dear **_Lowgin-Hindursen_**,**

**I understand that you don't like Kendall's personality in this. I don't like him right now, either. I think everyone of us doesn't like it. And I promise you he WILL change in future chapters. **

**Chapter 2**

I sat down at my lunch table together with James and Carlos.

»Kendall, did you find another lucky guy or girl? «, James asked smirking.

Carlos rolled his eyes.

»Yeah. I actually did. «

James leaned forward looking eagerly.

»Who? «

I scratched the back of my head.

»I don't know his name. «

»What does he look like? «

»Dark, spiky hair. Chocolate brown eyes. Amazing butt. He is wearing a sweater vest. «

James shrugged.

»Sorry, dude. Don't know him. Is he new? «

I shook my head.

»Apparently, he is with us since pre-school. «

The pretty boy looked confused.

»That is weird. «

I looked at Carlos.

»What about you, Litos? «

I noticed at the distant expression in his eyes.

»You know him! Tell me his name. «

»So you can play with his emotions? And after you fucked him you will humiliate him? No way! «

»Carlos, please. «, I whined.

He shook his head. I continued to pester him about it, but he didn't say anything.

»Is he your boyfriend or something? «, James asked after a while.

»No, he is not. But he is a really nice guy. «

»You are just sorry for him. He told me that we used to pick at him. «

»First, you two picked at him. I always dragged you away, before you could get carried away! Second, I am sorry for you! Because you two are not capable of loving someone. And with your whoring around, you just try to hide your insecurities. «

Carlos stood up and left.

»What is wrong with him? «, James asked sadly.

I sighed.

»I don't know. By the way, you don't need to hide it. I can see your crush at Carlos. «

He looked shocked and afraid at me.

»Please, don't tell him. «, he whispered.

»I won't. But can I ask you something? Why do you have at least two boyfriends or girlfriends per month? If you want Carlos then fight for him! You know he has problems with people sleeping around. Especially one of us. «

»I have needs. «, James said defensively.

I sighed.

»Do as you please. But if you want my opinion: Stop sleeping around and go for it! «

»Would you do it? Stop living your lifestyle for someone. «

I scoffed.

»Not gonna happen. «

James nodded thoughtfully. After the lunch bell rang, I went to my next class. When I got into the classroom I saw Carlos going to the mysterious guy. I crept up to them and fortunately they didn't notice me.

»I know we don't talked at lot to each other and I know I wasn't exactly nice to you, but- «

»Carlos! You are the only person in this school who is nice to me. Every one else bullies me. Especially your two best friends. «

Carlos looked down.

»They can be nice if you get to know them and if they don't think with their dicks. «

The other guy chuckled. A beautiful sound. It suited him much better than the hateful glare from earlier.

»Anyway, please be careful, Logan. I don't want you to get hurt by Kendall. «

_'So his name is Logan? Thanks Carlos. '_

I smirked.

»Don't worry. Kendall won't get into my pants. That will never happen. «

Carlos sighed relieved.

»Good. «

They turned around and froze when they saw me. I smirked at my target.

»So your name is Logan? Sounds beautiful. «

A lie I told every of my targets. But he didn't react like the others. Even if they played hard-to-get they were flustered by that. Logan just rolled his eyes.

»Whatever. «

He sat down in the first row. I smiled at Carlos. But he had the only emotion in his eyes I never saw before: anger.

»Now you are spying on me, just for you disgusting business? «

»Carlos…«

He pushed past me and sat next to Logan. To be honest, that hurt. We sat together in every class we had together. Since pre-school.

_'And now Carlos is angry at me, just because that little shit got into his head. I already planned a special humiliation for him. But now… I will destroy him. For turning my best friend against me. He will pay for it. And when I fuck him, I won't be gentle. He will feel pain. '_

I sat in my usual seat. Alone. And planned how I was going to seduce him.

~Time Skip~

For the rest of the school day I was ignored by Carlos. After my last class I made my way to the car. I passed an empty classroom when I heard a painful cry. I looked curious into the room. I saw Jett and Beau, the stars of the football team, towering over a smaller guy punching him. After a few moments I saw the smaller guy was Logan. I smirked. It was the perfect opportunity to start my plan.

»Hey! «

Jett and Beau looked at me. They smiled.

»Hey Knight. Are you here to help us to finish this nerd off? «

I glared at them.

»Get out! And if one of you will ever touch him again, I will fuck you up! «

They cowered and left quickly. I grabbed Logans arm and helped him up. There were no bruises at his face of arms, where somebody could see him.

»Are you okay? «

Logan snatched his arm out of my grasp.

»I don't need your help, Knight! I am used to getting beaten. I can't count how often you punched me. But of course you don't know! Of course you never noticed me even if you beat me up! Because the only thing you care about is your dick! You don't care about the lives you destroy! Get the fuck away! «

He stormed out of the room. I frowned.

_'What the hell is his problem? I just protected him from getting beaten up!'_

When I stepped out of the school I could see James and Carlos talking at my car. I got closer. My two friends hugged and Carlos left. When I arrived at my car, I asked James:

»Where is he going? «

»He said that he can't drive with you right now. «

Suddenly he looked angry.

»Fix this! I don't want Carlos drifting away from us! «

»Don't worry, I will fix this. «

~Time Skip~

Later that day I stood in front of Carlos house knocking at his door. When he opened the door I smiled and held a box gourmet corndogs out to him. His face lit up and he snatched the box out of my hands. He let me in and devoured his treat. I chuckled. His corndog-addiction was so adorable as well as his forgiveness. Carlos munched happily on one of his corndogs, when he said:

»I still don't want you to hurt him. «

**What do you think? I hope you like it. Please review. **


	3. Chapter 3

**I love you guys. Thanks for your reviews.**

**Chapter 3**

Carlos munched happily on one of his corndogs, when he said:

»I still don't want you to hurt him. «

I frowned.

»Why? You barely know him! «

»I talked a few times with him. He is a great guy. Besides a lot of people are bullying him. You and James too. He doesn't deserve it. It's just because he is smart and openly gay. «

I frowned again. It was probably true that I bullied him. James and I did that sometimes when we were bored. I mean those little shits had to know where their place is. And Carlos was always unhappy about that. Because he is so caring and friendly.

»Why is he getting bullied, because he is gay? You, James and I are out of the closet, too. «

Carlos rolled his eyes.

»Yeah, but everyone is afraid of you and James. They are afraid you could fuck them up. But Logan is neither popular nor strong. He is an easy target. «

I was impressed. Carlos wasn't as oblivious as everybody thought.

»And if I would tell you, that I am serious with him? «, I asked.

»Then I wouldn't know if I would believe you. «, he answered quietly.

I nodded thoughtfully.

~Time Skip~

When I lay in bed later that evening, I thought about Logan and the things Carlos told me.

_'I can't believe Carlos wouldn't trust me. Well, I DID say to James that I would never change. And that is true. I will never love anyone. And all those bitches I fucked didn't mean something. '_

But something about Logan was different. Everyone I approached was fazed by the attention they got. Even if they tried to hide it. On the other hand Logan literally hated me. And I didn't know why.

~Time Skip~

When we sat on our lunch table the next day James was more than happy to see Carlos again. I rolled my eyes. James needed to stop being so obvious. Then I spotted Logan sitting at a table alone reading a book. I smirked and went over to him.

»What do you want, Knight? «

For a moment I was taken back by the venom in his voice and the hate in his eyes.

»I just want to get to know you better. Carlos says you are a great guy. And I promise I won't do anything to make you uncomfortable. How about you join me and my friends at our table? «

Logan scoffed.

»How about you get back to your friends and never talk to me again? «

I pretended to sigh sadly.

»Okay. But if you change your opinion, you are always welcome to join us. «, I said with fake shyness and depression.

The other male rolled his eyes and continued reading.

_'Damn. How does he know my tricks?'_

I got back to my table.

»I guess it didn't go well? «, James asked.

»Right. He can see through my tricks and acting. Not to mention he hates my guts and I don't know why. «

»I could ask him why. He doesn't hate me. «, the pretty boy offered.

»He hates you, too. Not as much as me, but he hates you. «

»Why? «

»We used to pick at him, apparently. «

James eyebrows rose and then his eyes lit up.

»Right! I remember. I didn't actually see that it was him. Remember when we poured icy water onto that one guy and locked him in his locker for a few hours? «

I nodded smiling. The whining of that guy was hilarious.

»THAT was Logan. «, James told me.

_'Well, that explains a lot.'_

I looked pleading at Carlos, who sighed.

»Consider yourself lucky. I will ask him, but only because I am curious myself. «

In the next class I sat behind Logan without him noticing me. It was AP Biology, something I really sucked at, but I needed to do it for a hockey scholarship. Carlos sat next to Logan like yesterday.

»Logan? «

He looked at Carlos.

»Yeah? «

»Why do you hate Kendall so much? «

Logan stared for a few moments at Carlos.

»I really like you, Carlos. You are a great guy. But don't play Knight's sidekick. I want you to be my friend. And if you want to be friend with that kind of human being, I can tolerate that. But please don't try to get me to talk with him. Or don't ask me something just because he wants to know it. Or am I wrong Knight? «

I froze. To be honest, I didn't expect him to notice me.

»I want to know, because I am truly curious. «, Carlos said quietly.

»I know, Carlos. And I guess at some point I will tell you. «

~Time Skip~

Later that day I sat with my sister and mom at our dining table.

»Mom, do you think I am a bad person? «

She frowned.

»Why do you ask? «

»Well, there is this one guy I have an interest in, but for some reason he hates me…«

»Could there be a reason for his feelings towards you? «

I shifted uncomfortably on my chair.

»I have a certain reputation. «

»What reputation? «

»Well…Uh… That's-I… and… «

»He is a slut, mom. He pretends to fall in love with someone and he makes other people fall in love with him. After they had sex Kendall dumps and humiliates them. «

I looked shocked at Katie. I couldn't believe Katie knew.

»Kendall is that true? «, mom asked.

I looked down at the table and nodded. It's not like I hated or regretted what I did, but I knew the opinion of my mother and I didn't want to see the disappointment in her eyes.

»I am really disappointed in you. I love you and I will support you. But this is not how I raised you. «, my mom said after a few moments.

Her disappointed and sad voice felt like a knife in my heart. I nodded weakly.

»How long did you know Katie? «

»Since he started, mom. «

»Why didn't you say anything? «

I could hear the frown in her voice.

»Because I know deep down there is my big brother whom I love and who is a better guy. «

It hurt to hear that form my sister. Later when I told Carlos what happened he told me I deserved it. And when I asked him whether I am a bad guy or not he answered:

»You are not a bad guy. You are one of the best friends I could ever imagine. And actually you are one of the best guys I know. But you made wrong decisions and you acted the wrong way. But I know you since pre-school and I love you like a brother. «

The worst thing was that I didn't know if I wanted to change. How I acted made me feel safe. And I didn't know how to act differently. Maybe I could change. Maybe not.

**I hope you like it. Do you think Kendall will change? Why does Logan hate Kendall so much? We will get answers soon. **

**Thought? Emotions? Please review.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you for your nice reviews. This chapter is the first thing I wrote of this story. **

**Chapter 4**

**Kendall's POV**

Over the next week Carlos got closer to Logan. James wasn't thrilled to see that, but I hoped I could use that. My pretty friend was extremely jealous. It was kind of annoying to hear his whining and babbling, but that's what friends are for, right? I changed my game plan and didn't approach Logan as potential lover or 'boyfriend'. Instead I tried to get on his good side and to become his friend. But no matter what I did or how nice I was Logan was always hateful towards me. But then fate decided to help me out:

»You will do a project together with a partner. I chose the partner as well as the topic you will get. Which partner you have is completely coincidentally. «, Mrs. Collins, my biology teacher announced.

Then she started to read out names. I didn't listen to her, only when I heard my name.

»Kendall Knight and Logan Mitchell. Topic: The human muscular system. «

I smirked. That was the perfect opportunity to get close to him. I quirked an eyebrow when I saw Logan froze. He had a horrified and angry look. After class Logan went to Mrs. Collins.

»I need another partner. «

»Why? What's wrong with your partner? «

_'Yeah, what's wrong with me?'_

»I can't stand Kendall Knight. «, he said.

»I am sorry, Mr. Mitchell, but you have no other choice. There is no other partner and you can't do it on your own. «

Logan sighed and left angrily. I tried to understand how someone could feel so much hate towards another person. After school Logan and I met at my car. The school project was really important for our grade, so I decided we would start ASAP. Logan was quiet except for when he gave me directions to his house. I could tell he didn't want me at his home, but he had no other choice. I never brought anybody home with me, except for Carlos and James. Not even people from my hockey-team. And especially not someone I planned to fuck.

Logan led me in his living room. He had a nice house. It was small and had a warm, inviting aura. While my project partner went to his room to gather some material for the project, I looked at the framed pictures, which stood everywhere. They showed Logan I different stages of his life. He was a cute baby and kid. The most of his pictures showed also a woman (most likely his mother) and a girl. One picture caught my eye: Logan smiled into the camera, his arm around the girl. It was more recent, since Logan looked almost like now. I never saw Logan smiling in real life. He was even more handsome. Logan had dimples and the smile suited him much better than that hateful glare. After a few moments, I recognized the girl. When Logan came back, I pointed at the picture.

»Is that your girlfriend? Because if she is, you should know that I slept with her. I was her first. She was a really good fuck, but pathetic when I dumped her sorry ass. You could do so much better. «

I knew it wasn't the best thing to say to achieve my goal, but I wasn't prepared for the expression in Logan's eyes. It was so full of hate and disgust, I feared for a moment he would explode. Suddenly he punched me in my face. I stumbled back. Logan had a pretty hard punch.

»What the hell? «, I shouted.

A few drops of blood ran down my face.

»Get the fuck out of my house. «, Logan said venomously.

I held my hand defensively up.

»Sorry, if I insulted your little girlfriend, but… «

»GET. THE. FUCK. OUT. OF MY HOUSE! «

I quickly did as he told me, because I didn't want to upset him even more. Logan slammed the door shut. Before I got into my car, I examined myself in the mirror. Logan busted my lip, but it didn't bleed that bad. I got into my car, but didn't drive away. I tried to figure what happened. Logan's behavior didn't make any sense. If this was really his girlfriend he would have been angry, yes, but I knew him well enough to know that he wasn't a violent person at all. After a few minutes I drove home. Carlos and James were in my living room playing video games. I looked at Katie, who was slightly annoyed.

»I guess you were right. They are really often here. «

My sister snorted.

»Told you so. «

I plopped down on the couch next to my best friends.

»How did it go? «, James asked.

I sighed and told them everything that happened and my suspicions.

»He punched you? «, Carlos asked disbelieving.

I nodded and he got up.

»Where are you going? «

»I will talk to Logan. It is not normal for him to become violent. Even if he is with you. «

And then he left. James looked sourly. I felt sad for him. It was of course ridiculous to think that Carlos and Logan were secretly together. Carlos was so bad at hiding something; he would either act very weird or blurt it out accidentally. But still it wasn't a good feeling that Carlos ditched him-us for Logan.

»Man up and ask him out! «, Katie said annoyed to James.

»How do you know? «, James asked shocked after a few moments of silence.

Katie rolled her eyes.

»You couldn't be more obvious. «

»I have to agree. «, my mom said when she walked in.

James blushed.

»What the hell is it with you Knights that you always figure out things like that? «, he muttered.

Katie and I laughed.

»Don't worry, sweetie. I know Carlos really cares about you. «

**Carlos POV**

I knocked at Logan's door. When Logan opened the door, I gasped. Logan's eyes were red and puffy and tears streamed over his cheeks.

»What do you want? «, he asked sobbing.

His voice was full of misery. I felt the familiar pang in my chest; I always felt when someone suffered.

»I want to talk with you. «, I replied softly.

He stared at me for a few moments before he let me sighing in. we got into his room/ At one side of the room were his bed and a dresser. On the other side were a lot of bookshelves and a desk. Over Logan's bed were hockey posters.

»You like hockey? «, I asked surprised.

He nodded.

»I played once. «

I sat down next to him on his bed.

»Why do you hate Kendall so much? «, I asked quietly.

»Did that asshole wanted you to ask me? «

I shook my head.

»No. I am just wondering what would trigger that hate and aggression in you. You are normally not like that. I am truly concerned. «

He studied my face.

»Promise not to tell someone? «

He sounded so vulnerable, my heart broke.

»Promise. «

Logan opened his bedside table and took a photo out. I looked at that. It was the photo Kendall described earlier.

»Who is she? «

Tears began to run down his face again.

»Presley. She is- _was _my sister. «, Logan choked out.

I got a few ideas what connection could be between Logan's sister and Kendall. All of them were horrifying.

»What happened? «

»K-Kendall seduced her in our freshman year. She was a junior at the moment. Kendall made her fall in love with him. He was her first love. At some point Kendall got what he wanted and you can probably imagine what happened next. «

»He left. «

Logan nodded.

»Yes. Presley was devastated. She truly believed that they would last forever. One day I stayed in longer in school than usual. When I came back home I found her. She lay in the bathroom. Everywhere was b-blood. She c-cut her w-wrists open. I called 911 and tried to s-stop the b-bleeding. E-every time I close my eyes I see h-her laying in a p-puddle of her own b-blood. I see my h-hands covered with blood. My sister's blood. «

He hugged his legs and rocked back and forth. I was shocked. I mean I knew that Kendall had his flaws, but I couldn't believe that Kendall could be the cause of something like that. But on the other hand Logan had no reason for lying. And somehow I could sense that he told me the truth. Before I could say anything, Logan took something out of his bedside drawer. His hands shook. He gave me a sheet of paper and curled into a ball. It was a letter. Some of the words were unclear, because of a liquid, I assumed tears. I gulped and started to read.

_Dear Logie-bear,_

_I never wanted to hurt you, but I know this will hurt you so much. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being strong enough, for being weak for leaving you. I hope you will find happiness and true love. I know my death will be hard for you. But I hope you will overcome your sadness and grief. _

_I want to ask you for a favor. Two, actually. The first is: don't make the same mistake I did. Don't let yourself blind by love. If your boyfriend truly loves you, he will wait for you; will be always there for you. I don't want to you get suspicious and afraid of love, but I want you to be careful. You are a sweet, caring and smart boy. Everyone would be happy to have you. Don't let your heart turn into stone. As great as love can make us feel, it can very easily destroy us._

_The second favor I would like to ask from you is: don't tell any one from our school. I don't want their fake grief and regret, especially not Kendall's. And I don't want them to be a burden for you either. Because I know they will fake their grief. Tell Camille and our family of course. They deserve to know. _

_I'm sorry I couldn't be a better sister, a better role model for you. Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. It's mine. I made the mistake to trust Kendall. I made the mistake to fall for him. _

_I will always look out for you no matter where I will go after my death. I will be still there for you. In your memory, in your heart. I will be your guardian as long as you may need me._

_Find the one guy who truly loves you and be happy. You deserve it._

_Forever and always,_

_Presley_

Somewhere in the middle of the letter I started to cry. I placed the letter carefully on the bedside table and pulled Logan into my arms.

»I'm sorry. So sorry. «

After Logan calmed down, I said:

»Let me be your friend. «

Even if we got closer the last week, I could tell he didn't trust me completely. Logan turned away from me.

»I don't want your pity. «

I turned him forcefully, so he could see my face.

»It's not pity. As I said before you are a great guy and I really like you. I thought you were blind and judging for hating Kendall, but I know you are not. I was so curious about you for a long time. Let me show you friendship. It's not because of pity. It's because of you. «

»What's with Kendall? He is your friend. «

I cringed when he mention the blonde.

»I don't know if I want him as my friend. «

»I don't want to destroy your friendship. I trust you Carlos. Just promise me that you won't force me to interact with Kendall. «

I nodded.

»I would never do that. So that's a yes? «

He nodded hesitantly. I grinned widely and hugged him tightly. Logan chuckled quietly.

»Do you want to stay for dinner? «

I looked surprised that Logan, because I didn't expect that offer.

»I would like to, but I can't. I am sure James is worrying. «

Logan looked scared.

»I won't tell him. I promised you. «

He nodded and smiled. Before I left I wrote my number on a piece of paper.

»Text me. I will see you at school. «

When I was back at Kendall's house, I wasn't sure if I could bear it to see Kendall. I got into the living room. Kendall looked at me expectantly.

»What did he say? «

In the next second my fist collided with his jaw. The blonde stared shocked at me.

»C-Carlos? «

I ignored the pain in my hand.

»f you ever talk to Logan again, you will have a problem with me! «, I hissed.

I left and started to walk home. Inside I felt a raging storm of feelings. I felt sorry for Logan, angry at Kendall. I felt guilty for punching my best friend, but at the same time I did not. After a few minutes I could hear quick steps between me.

»Carlos! «

I turned around and looked at James. He looked as handsome as always and I could feel the butterflies in my stomach.

»Los! Are you okay? What was that? You are too sweet for punching someone. «

»Kendall deserved it. «, I mumbled.

»Why? That is not like you, Los. What did Logan tell you? «

I shook my head.

»I can't tell you. I promised to keep it a secret. Please don't force me. «

»Of course not. «, he replied softly.

James hugged me and I felt immediately warm and secure. We broke apart, only a few centimeters, so we were able to look at each other. After a few minutes just looking into each others eyes, we slowly moved closer to each other, until our lips met. Kissing James felt like sparkles, like electricity running through my body. It felt like firework, like Christmas and every thing great on this world, only better. We broke the kiss and smiled dazed at him.

»We should do that more often. «

**Jarlos! Yay! **

**So now you know the reason for Logans feelings.**

**What do you think. Please review. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you for your reviews. I know most of you were shocked about last chapter.**

**Chapter 5**

I was shocked. Carlos my best friend for almost my whole life punched me and then he threatened me. After he stormed out of my house, James was as shocked as I. But after a few minutes he ran after him, while I just stood in my living room a hand on my jaw where I got punched.

'_What did Logan tell Carlos? What could make him so angry? '_

After half an hour James came back with a big goofy grin. I frowned.

»Why are you grinning like that? «

»Carlos and I just kissed. And we have a date at Saturday. «

Despite my miserable mood, I was truly happy for James and Carlos. Just because I didn't believe in love, didn't mean I wouldn't be happy for my brothers.

»That's great, Jamie. I'm happy for you. Did- uh…Did he say anything about what happened? «

James shrugged.

»He just said that he promised Logan not to tell anyone. And…He made me promise to meet Logan. «

I smiled weakly.

»Of course, he did. «

Carlos always wanted to make new friends and that his new friends would be friends with his old.

_'Not me anymore. Obviously he hates me for some unknown reason. '_

James sensed my depressing thoughts.

»I am sure he will come around Kenny. Carlos never holds a grudge and neither does he hate someone. «

I nodded unconvinced.

~Time Skip~

Next day in school, I tried to talk with Carlos, but he didn't even acknowledge my presence.

»Carlos, please talk to me! You are my best friend, my brother, for God's sake! «

Something flickered in his eyes, but it disappeared quickly. He just went away. I tried to ignore the pang in my chest, but it hurt a lot to see Carlos walking away from me. I couldn't figure out what I did to make Logan and Carlos hate me. It had to be something terrible, otherwise Carlos wouldn't react the way he did. During lunch period and at least a dozen failed attempts to speak with Carlos, I became frustrated. When Logan walked past me, I grabbed his arm and shoved him against the wall.

»What the hell, Knight? «

»What did you say to Carlos? He won't even look at me! «

»It's not my fault. I told him I am okay if he is your friend and that I would still be his friend. God knows what he sees in you. But I am not the one, who caused that. In the end it's your entire fault! Now let me go! «

I tightened my grip on his arm.

»How can it be my fault, when I don't even know what I did? «

Logan pushed me angrily away and snatched his arm out of my grasp.

»It doesn't matter if you know what you did! Even without your knowledge you caused pain and even if you would know you wouldn't care! «

He stomped away. And I was more confused than before.

~Time Skip~

A few days later James sat in my room and told me about the day he spent with Carlos and Logan.

»He is actually a cool guy, if lets you past his walls. Very funny and smart. Sometimes even cocky, but a bit nerdy. But neither Logan nor Carlos wanted to tell me why they are angry at you. «

I frowned.

»Kendall you should let Carlos cool down. And let him come to you. I know it will be difficult for you, since patience isn't your strong side. But it's the best way. «

I nodded. After a few minutes pent in silence, I got up.

»Let's get you ready. You have a hot date tonight. «

His mouth formed a bright smile, which illuminated his whole face. He was even more handsome than before.

»Smile at Carlos like that and he will jump your bones. «

James glared at me.

»This is not about sex. It's about Carlos and a long-term and steady, monogamous relationship. «

I held my hands in a defensive manner up.

»Got it. «

After James left for his date, I became restless and decided to go for a walk. I went into a park close to my home. After I wandered around for some time, I heard to voices. One female and one male. I recognized the male voice as Logan's. Curious I crept closer.

»So you made friends, Logie? That's great. It's good to see you come out of your shell. «

Logan sighed.

»I know. Carlos is an awesome guy and a great friend. I even told him about Presley. «

Sadness crept over the faces of Logan and the girl.

»So you trust him completely? «

Logan nodded.

»And James is a good guy, too. I haven't a connection with him like I have with Carlos, but I think we could become very good friends. There is just one problem. «

»Problem? «

»The best friend since pre-school of Carlos and James is Kendall Knight. «

The girl gasped.

»Knight? «

He nodded.

»I told them both I don't care if they are friends with him as long as they don't force us to interact. Since I told Carlos what happened he refuses to talk with Knight. I even felt sorry for Knight! How can I feel sorry for someone like that? «

»Well, as long as they don't try to bring you closer with Knight, I don't see a problem. «

»There is a really big problem, Cami. «, he replied darkly.

She frowned.

»Well, as long as you arent his new target... Oh my god! You ARE his new target, right? «

Logan nodded.

»And did his charm and his tricks work on you? «

Logan sent the girl a dirty look.

»I know his tricks. Better than anyone else. Besides do you think I could fall for the guy who caused the suicide of my sister? «

I gasped quietly.

_'No. It can't be. He knows I am here and tries to kid me, but he sounded so heartbroken, so honest…'_

I ran at home, my mind racing with different theories. Finally in my room, I got a small black notebook from under my bed. I flipped it open and read my list of my conquests. One name was special. It made me shiver in horror. My eyes widened, my heart skipped a few beats and my breathing, became frantic.

_Number 17 Presley Mitchell_

I remembered her. It was the girl form the photos at Logan's. I forgot her last name, so I didn't had the connection between her and Logan. Now that I knew I could see the similarities between Logan and his sister. Same hair, same eyes, same build and same nose.

»Oh my god. I killed her. I killed Logan's sister. «, I whispered.

**I am sorry. It's a short chapter. But I hope you still like it. **

**Kendall knows. What do you think will he do? **

**Please review. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you for your reviews. **

**Chapter 6**

When James came back from his date he was giggling happily and beaming.

»I guess your date went well? «

It was a weak attempt to try to sound normal, but James looked right through it.

»What's wrong? «

I shook my head.

»Not important. «

I should have told him, that I know why Logan hated me, but I couldn't. I was too afraid that he would hate me too.

»Kendall something is clearly bothering you. I just want to help you. «

I sighed.

»I know. I am sorry. There are just a few things I have to sort out. Now how was your date? «

My best friend eyed my suspiciously. But then he started to grin.

»It was awesome. I mean my usual dates were just for fucking, but if you have a date with someone you care about it's so much better. We had a perfect evening. And we have our second date next week. Carlos is so handsome and adorable and…«

I grinned as James started to rant about Carlos. He sounded happy.

'_But that won't last. Love isn't good. They will hurt each other. Love is the biggest weakness of all. '_

~Time Skip~

Over the next weeks I distanced myself from Logan. That didn't mean I would give up on seducing him. Kendall Knight doesn't give up. I was just…confused. I felt guilty for the death of Logan's sister. I felt guilty, because I knew he had to feel a lot of pain.

'_I couldn't imagine what I would do if Katie would die. '_

But on the other hand I didn't care. I mean in the end it was her fault to believe I could do something silly like falling in love. It was her fault that she believed everything I said. There are only a few people I cared about: James, Carlos, my mom and Katie. Other people and their emotions don't matter to me. I liked to play with them, but otherwise I couldn't care less. That was at least what I tried to tell myself. I had to sort my feelings out, before I could make my next move. But Logan was quicker than me. Before our Biology class he came to me and glared at me.

»Look, Knight. I don't know what kind of game you are playing right now. But it won't work. I know you are an evil and manipulating piece of shit. So whatever it is you think you are doing, it won't work. «

To be honest that hurt a bit.

'_Does he really think I have no feelings? Does he really think everything I do is a plan to get in someone's pants? '_

»Calm down, Logie. I thought you know my tricks? So you don't have to worry. «

His face became red and I could see tears shining in his eyes.

»Don't call me Logie. «, he hissed and stomped to his seat.

'_Well… That went not so well…He is cute when he is angry. WAIT! Wait a moment! Did I just call him cute? That is not good…'_

~Time Skip~

The rest of the week I was kind of off. People would say I was sulking, but KENDALL KNIGHT DOESN'T SULK! I spent my whole free time in my room thinking. Not sulking, not moping , not pouting. I was thinking. Mostly about Logan. About his sister and how I felt about this whole thing. Friday night James barged into my room.

»There is a thing called knocking you could try it. «, I told him.

My friend completely ignored me.

»We are going out. «

I frowned.

»What do you mean? «

»Jo Taylor's party. Carlos and Logan are going too. «

I thought about it for a moment.

»I think a party is exactly the thing I need. «

James grinned. I got up and took a quick shower. Then I got dressed, grabbed my stuff and we headed out.

Shortly after we arrived, I spotted Logan and Carlos. James dragged his boyfriend onto the dance floor. Yes, I said boyfriend. They made it official on their second date the day before the party. Of course no one was surprised. I grabbed a not-alcoholic drink and walked a bit through the house chatting with people. When I came back to Logan, Carlos and James joined him. And then I heard it. The most wonderful sound I've ever heard. Even the loud music was not able to drown that angelic noise: Logan's laugh. I can't even describe how it sounds. I stared at the brunette in awe. Logan caught my gaze and hissed:

»Stop staring asshole. «

His hateful, venomously voice was the exact opposite if his sweet laugh. Something snapped inside me and I bolted out of the kitchen. I found Jo, grabbed her and kissed her. At first she tried to pull away, but she melted quickly into the kiss. Normally, I don't fuck the same person twice. Sometimes I made exceptions when the person was an extraordinary good fuck. Jo was one of those exceptions. She broke the kiss and pulled me into a bedroom.

~Time Skip~

A few hours later I was at home in my bed. Thinking again. But there were a few thing I tried to avoid to think about. Like how Logan's laugh made me feel funny in the stomach, how the hate in his eyes burned a hole into my soul. Or that the only thing I could think of, when I had sex with Jo, were brown eyes, which sparkled, hair, which looked as soft as silk and plump, perfectly kissable lips and a smile accompanied by two cute dimples. The only thing I could think of, while I had sex with a gorgeous girl, was the even more gorgeous Logan Mitchell.

'_I am screwed…'_

**I am sorry it took me so long I had major writer's block. **

**What do you think? Please review. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you for your reviews. **

**I am so sorry I didn't post for so long. I was sick (actually I am still sick), had a lot of homework, family business and I had the weirdest writers block: I knew what would happen in this chapter, but I couldn't form words. I try to post this week again.**

**Chapter 7**

I stared gloomily at a table across the lunch hall. Carlos and Logan were sitting there laughing and chatting. When James sat down on the seat opposite of me, I asked frowning:

»What the hell are you doing here? «

James looked angry and hurt at me.

»I'm sorry. «, I groaned.

»I didn't mean it that way. «

»And what did you mean? «, James asked briskly.

»I was just wondering why you are here and not sitting with Carlos. I know you want to. «

»I can't let you sit here on your own sulking and brooding. «

»Don't worry. I am fine. There is a lot I have to think of, so I wouldn't be able to have a good conversation. «

»But…«

I waved with my hand.

»Go and sit with your boyfriend. «, I said laughing.

He grinned at me and went over to Carlos and Logan. I watched how James wrapped his arms from behind around Carlos, who turned around and kissed James happily. They were really cute together. I looked at Logan. Even if I still wanted to get in his pants, he wasn't my number one priority. Besides, I had to admit I felt insecure. I didn't understand why I felt something for Logan. I didn't understand what was so special about him. My first priority was getting Carlos back. I missed him. I wanted my best friend back.

~Time Skip~

Next day at lunch, Carlos stormed to my table. I asked James earlier to pass a message to Carlos. Apparently he did it.

»James told me you know about Presley. «

Step 1: Get him to talk to me. _Check._

»Yeah, I do. «

»How? «

»Come to my place after school. I will tell you then. «

»No. You can tell me now. «

»Someone could overhear us. And you don't want Logan's precious secret to come out, don't you? «

'_That sounded more viciously and meaner than I intended. '_

»Don't you dare to tell someone! «, Carlos hissed.

»I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way. I won't tell anyone. I promise. «

Carlos looked surprised at me.

»Good. See you at 7. «

Step 2: Get him to talk to you. _Check_

~Time Skip~

When at 7 the doorbell rang I opened eagerly the door.

»Hey, Carlos. «

»Kendall. «

I led him into the living room.

»Want something to eat? «

I could see Carlos having an inner battle with himself. He probably didn't want to be too nice to me, afraid that he would forgive me too quickly. But on the other hand his ever present hunger and his usual politeness demanded attention.

»Sure. «

I got him some dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets, I prepared earlier. When we were younger Carlos, James and I used to eat them the whole time.

»Thanks. «

He ate and we sat there quietly for a few minutes, until I admitted quietly:

»I missed you. «

He looked at me for a few moments.

»I missed you, too. «

Another few minutes of silence.

»How did you hear about Presley? «

»When James and you had your first date, I had a walk through the park near my house. And coincidently Logan was there, too with a girl. I was curious so I got closer and listened to them. If I had known, that this conversation was that personal, I would've walked away. «

»What do you know? «

»Just that we have a thing and that she killed herself after I dumped her. «

»How do you feel about the whole thing? «

»I don't know how to deal with that. «, I said honestly.

Silence again.

»Do you think we could be friends again? «, I asked hesitantly.

»I don't know. «

»I'd do everything it takes. «

»I know. «, Carlos replied quietly.

After a few moments of thinking, Carlos suddenly asked:

»I want to know why. «

»Why what? «

»Why do you keep doing that? The whole sleeping around, the breaking hearts. Everything. «

I avoided his gaze.

»There is no reason. «, I mumbled.

»I don't believe you. «

When I didn't say anything, Carlos shouted:

»Kendall if you can't be honest with me, I can't be your friend! «

»STOP PRESSURING ME! THERE IS NO REASON! I AM JUST A BIG; CRUEL ASSHOLE! NOW LET IT DROP! «, I yelled.

»Kendall, I know that is not true. And you know that, too. There is clearly a reason for your behavior. «

I started to cry silently. I wasn't normal for me to show emotional weakness.

»Kenny, what's wrong? «

_Flashback_

_Seven year old Kendall sat on his bed clutching his favorite stuffed animal and blanket crying softly, trying to shut out the screaming from downstairs. He didn't understand why his mommy and daddy were always screaming at each other. He didn't understand why they didn't love each other anymore. He asked himself if he did something wrong. He was startled when his door opened and his daddy came into his room. His daddy hugged him and said:_

_»Stop crying, Kendall. You have to be always strong. You can't show any weakness. You have to be there for your mommy and for Katie. «_

_»I thought that is your job, daddy. «_

_»I have to go away, Kendall. «_

_»Why? «_

_»Sometimes when two people really love each other, sometimes they have to have a break. «_

_»D-did I do something wrong? «, Kendall asked his bottom lip quivering._

_»No, Kendall. You are the best son I could think of. Just promise me something. «_

_Kendall nodded. Everything for his daddy._

_»Promise me to remember always what I tell you now. «_

_Kendall nodded again._

_»Never love anyone. «_

_»Why? Our teacher told us love is very good. «_

_His daddy shook his head. _

_»People only think that. If you love someone, you will get hurt. It is always like this. «_

_»Does that mean I can't love mommy? «_

_»Of course you can love your mommy and Katie and me. And Carlos and James. Because they are family. A family always sticks together. Your family won't hurt you. But you can't love anyone else except for your family. Because people will hurt you if you love them. Do you understand? «_

_Kendall nodded. He didn't understand completely what his daddy said. It didn't make sense to him. But daddy was always right, so it had to be true. Kendall's daddy tucked him in kissed his forehead and whispered:_

_»I love you, Kenny. «_

_»Love you, too, daddy. «, Kendall replied sleepily. _

_He yawned loudly and his daddy chuckled fondly. When he stood in the doorframe, his daddy looked a last time at him and said:_

_»Love is a weakness. Always remember that. «_

_With that he left Kendall's room and his life._

_Flashback End_

Carlos looked horrified at me.

»That sick bastard! How can he do something like that! «

Carlos hugged me.

»I always sleep around, because I can't love anyone. I don't want to get hurt. But I feel so lonely and that is the only way I can get contact and intimacy with other people without getting hurt. «

»Oh my god, Kendall. I am so sorry. Love isn't a bad thing. Loving someone is one of the best feelings of the world. And even if you get hurt sometimes, it is worth it. Open your heart and embrace love. «

»I want to, but I can't. I don't know how. «

»I will help you. «

»Does that mean you forgive me? «

»I don't know if I can forgive you. And I don't know if our relationship will be the same, but I am willing to try. «

»Thanks Carlos. «

**What do you think? Next chapter we will see confrontation between Kendall and Logan. Please review. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you for all of your reviews. **

**Chapter 8**

And again I stared at the table across the hall. But this time I was in a better mood. Carlos and I had yesterday the first step of animating our friendship again. And today he always sent some small smiles and friendly looks in my direction. I looked up when someone sat down at the other side of my table and looked into the brown eyes of Logan.

»I heard you know about Presley. «

I nodded.

»I know you probably don't believe me and don't appreciate it, but I am sorry. «

_'What the fuck is wrong with you? At first you develop some weird feelings for that guy and now you apologize? You are weak Kendall. '_, a voice in my head said that sounded suspiciously like my father.

»That doesn't change the fact that I hate you. «

I nodded understandingly.

»And Carlos told me what you told him yesterday. And I wanted to tell you that I can't believe you didn't make up a better story. «

I stared at him in disbelief.

»Why should I lie to my best friend? «

»I don't know, but even if it was true, it is no excuse. It is just a lame excuse for your disgusting behavior. You have a brain. You can think. You don't have to believe everything your parents tell you. «

»Are you kidding me? I WAS SEVEN! My father was my biggest idol! My everything! I wanted to become exactly like him! Of course, I did everything he told me. Of course, it wasn't good what I did, but don't tell me I use my father as excuse! «

Logan looked at me with raised eyebrows.

»Whatever…«

He went up and left.

_'That was weird…'_

~Time Skip~

Later that evening I stepped into the living room where my mom sat.

»Mom…«

She looked up.

»Yes, dear? «

»I need your help. «

»What's wrong? «

I sat down next to her.

»Remember how Katie told you what I do in school? Sleeping around and breaking hearts? «

Mom nodded barely hiding the obvious disappointment in his eyes.

»Well, there is a reason for my behavior. «

I took a breath and told her what happened the day dad left. Mom looked sadly at me.

»Kendall, I understand that you thought your father was right. I remember how much you looked up to him. How you still look up to him. But it is time to grow up now. You have to learn to embrace love. To feel it. If you will get hurt, because you love someone it is worth it. Even if it doesn't seem like it at first. «

»I don't now if I can. There are some things I don't understand. «

I told her about the weird feelings I got in my stomach when I heard his laugh and saw his smile at that party. I told her that I wasn't able to get his brown eyes out of my head. I told her that for some reason I wasn't able to stay emotionless towards Logan. Mom sighed again.

»Kendall, I cant help you. You have to discover your feelings yourself. Just remember that love is not bad. Love hurts yes, but all in all the good feelings outweigh the pain. «

I nodded and went worthlessly into my room digesting what she told me. I did all of my homework so I quickly undressed and slipped under the covers. My mind was numb. I couldn't really believe my mom. I couldn't believe that the pain love can cause is worth it. Every time I broke up with someone who fell in love with me. I could see the pain I caused. Heartbreaking, devastating and completely shattering pain. I couldn't really believe that love was worth it. I didn't want to get hurt. But on the other hand I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue living like I lived before. On the one hand I wasn't a bad life for me. I was content. Not happy but content. But on the other hand I wasn't fond of hurting other people. I didn't know what to do.

And then there was Logan. With him something was different. He was different. Logan wasn't one of those superficial, dumb, sex-crazed teenagers. I mean most people think that I am sex-crazed, too, but the sex is just a way to feel something for other people. For me at least. But Logan made me question that. I wanted to do things with Logan I didn't want with anybody else before. I wanted to kiss him, feeling his lips on mine. I wondered if they would feel as soft as they look. I wanted to cuddle with him, holding him in my arms.

_'But I cant feel that way. No matter what mom and Carlos are saying love hurts. I wont let anybody hurt me. I DON'T FEEL THAT WAY. I just…I am just confused. Love is for weaklings. I am not weak. I am not in love or anything. I mean Logan is cute and smart and probably funny and…NO! I don't like him that way. I am sure he is a decent guy. But I don't love. I am not able to laugh. I neither don't want to love someone and I will never love someone. '_

**I hope this chapter isn't that bad. I am not really fond of it. And I am sorry that it is so short. **

**I know many of you probably expected a big fight between Kendall and Logan, but you have to wait for a big fight a bit. Please review. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Thanks for your reviews. I appreciate them all. **

**Chapter 9**

_I opened my eyes and saw that Logan stood over me. When he noticed that I was awake he gave me a bright smile and I could see his cute dimples. _

_»Hey «, he said softly._

_I smiled too._

_»Hey «, I replied._

_Logan grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the bed and into another room. There were everywhere candles and roses and soft music played. Logan pulled me into the middle of the room and we started to dance. My hands were on Logan's tender wrist and Logan wrapped his arms around my neck, while our foreheads were pressed together. We kissed now and then, but mostly we got lost in each others eyes. Logans chocolate brown eyes were shining so much with warmth and love my heart fluttered. _

_»Kendall…«_

_Shivers moved down my body when Logan whispered my name._

_»Kendall! «_

_I frowned. Why did he say my name so loud when I am right here?_

»Kendall! «

I bolted up. I was in my bed in my room.

_'It was just a dream…'_

»Kendall, time to get up. «

I looked at my mom. She had a concerned look on her face. I smiled at her.

»Sure. I will be down in a few minutes. «

She nodded and left. I groaned and fell back on my bed.

_'What the fuck was that?'_

Later that morning when I drove to school I came to the conclusion, I tried to deny the whole morning

»I have a crush on Logan. «, I whispered.

~Time Skip~

»I have a crush on Logan. «, I told James and Carlos during lunch break.

Carlos looked ecstatic and James looked wary.

»That is so great! I am so proud of you! «

I held my hand up to stop him.

»Calm down. That doesn't mean I like the idea of being in love. Nor do I think love is a good thing. «

Carlos looked disappointed. I was irritated. I mean what did he expect from me? That I buy a dozens of roses and declare my love for Logan? That we have a relationship and spend the rest of our lives together? That we marry, buy a house and get a bunch of kids?

»What's with that face? «, I asked James

»I am just worried about you. I don't want you to get hurt. «

I smiled weakly at him.

»Don't worry; I am aware of the fact that Logan will never be interested in me. «

Carlos looked as if he wanted to protest, but a glare from James silenced him. Instead, he said:

»I'll be joining Logan at his table. «

»Don't tell him anything! «, I called after him.

I turned to James.

»I don't know what to do. «, I told him desperately.

»What do you mean? «, he asked confused.

»How am I supposed to act? What do I say to him? «

James smiled briefly.

»You act exactly the same way you would when you want to seduce someone. «

»But that doesn't make any sense. «

My best friend laughed bitterly.

»What was your goal to get into someone's pants? «

Realization hit me.

»I made them fall in love with me. «

James nodded.

»I will be at your place that evening and we can talk about that a bit more. «

~Time Skip~

Shortly after 6 pm James stood in my room. We settled down and James began to talk:

»I don't think it would be wise to make a move on Logan, but in the end it is your decision. Now if you want to make a move on him, it would be not useful to do this the direct way. Nor would it be useful to start with treating him better and complimenting him, since he would believe that you only plot to get in his pants. My suggestion is: Send him flowers and chocolates, put little love notes in his locker. But never say that they are from you. Or use a few of the songs you wrote. Then at some point when- if Logan develops a crush on his secret admirer you can tell him that it is you and then we will see how it goes from there…«

That sounded actually not like a bad plan.

»Are you sure that could work? «

James nodded.

»Just don't get too overboard. From what I gathered Logan is really shy and introvert. If you send him too much or if your notes are too much he will be afraid. «

»That makes sense. «

James got up and patted my shoulder.

»Do what you think is right. Just be careful that you don't get hurt. I don't want you to loose your belief in love again. «

He left and I stayed where I was thinking about what James told me.

_'There is no way I am doing this. I won't put myself into a vulnerable position like that. Just because love hurts I don't have to provoke it. If Logan would know I have crush on him, he would destroy me. I can't blame him though… WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? How can I be so vulnerable and insecure? I will never ever do something about my stupid little crush. NEVER.'_

~Time Skip~

I was determined to stick with my decision, but I couldn't sleep most of the night. And so I did a really spontaneous thing, which I blamed my overtired mind for. I took my big leather notebook from its place under my mattress. I used it for the songs I wrote. Suddenly inspiration got a hold of me and I started to write the lyrics for a new song furiously into it. An hour later I let my pen fall down with a satisfied huff. Then I went back to bed determined to catch a bit of sleep before school.

~Time Skip~

On my way to school I stopped at a flower shop and bought a single, red rose. I arrived twenty minutes early at school, so the hallways were deserted. I stuck the rose to a little piece of paper. Then I opened Logan's locker. It took a few minutes, since I obviously didn't know his combination, but in the end I could open it. I put the rose and note into the locker and closed it again. Under normal circumstances I would have looked at the things in his locker, but I didn't want to get caught. The only things I noticed were the neatness of Logan's locker and the photo of him and Presley stuck to the door. Then I hurried back to the car and drove to the nearest bakery. I didn't eat any breakfast, because I was so early out of the house and so I was starving. I bought myself some breakfast and ate it, before I went back to school. When I walked into my AP English class, I noticed the weird look on Logan's face. As far as I could tell it was a mix of surprise, shock and awe. I smiled inwardly.

_'Apparently he liked his little present. '_

I became giddy. But then almost immediately I scolded myself for it. Despite my efforts to fight it, I smiled the whole day. Especially when I thought about that note I wrote for Logan. It came form the new song I wrote:

_Cause nothing is the same since I met you._

**What do you think about Kendall's latest character development? **

**Everyone, who knows which song that last line is from, will get a virtual cookie from me. **

**I hope you like it. Please tell me what you think. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks for all of your reviews.**

**Chapter 10**

**Logan's POV**

I opened my locker and saw another note laying there. The notes started to come in the middle of September. Now it was the end of November. On every note a single line was written. They looked like pieces form song lyrics. One or two times small letters lay in my locker, explaining that I have a secret admirer. With every note came a single rose, my favorite flower, and occasionally some sort of sweets, mostly my favorite kind of chocolate. I took the note and the flower. I loved the smell of roses; they were always fresh and natural. I looked at the note:

_I've been lost in the mazes_

_My heart locked in cages_

_Unlock the cages_

I wondered what the lines meant.

~Time Skip~

When I went to school the next day, there were another note and another flower. I became kind of giddy and excited like always. Those note made me feel so happy, like I didn't feel since Presley died. Carlos and James helped of course too. I wondered about those two. They were still friends with Knight, but they never did something with him during school. They only spent time with me. When I asked them about that, Carlos replied:

»We spend time with you because you are an awesome guy. «

And James added:

»Kendall can take care of himself. It is not like he has a problem with us sitting here. «

I was shaken out of my thoughts when I heard more students filling the hallways. I quickly grabbed the books I needed and the note and the rose.

_Could you be home_

_Could you be safety_

_A place to rest my soul_

_Cuz I've been on my own_

_For too long_

With those words in mind I went to AP English.

~Time Skip~

_Cuz I've been losing hope_

_I've been losing_

_I've been bruised so_

_Could you be home?_

I finished the assignment our teacher gave us for the lesson, so I thought about today's note, which was now in the same folder like the previous notes. Today's note sounded kind of desperate. I wondered who wrote those notes and if that person has been genuine. I couldn't deny that I had developed some small crush on the note writer.

_'That isn't possible! You can't have a crush on someone you don't know!'_ a voice in my mind said.

I was confused. I mean that part of my mind was kind of right, but I could deny the butterflies I got every time I saw a note lying in my locker. I had the weird feeling that I was being watched, so I turned around a bit on my chair and saw two green orbs staring at me. They belonged to Knight. As soon as I looked at him, he averted his gaze and I thought I saw a faint blush on his cheeks. But I quickly dismissed that idea.

_'Blushing implies some sort of feeling. Knight doesn't have any feelings. Well, except for narcissism, lust and arrogance.'_

I turned my attention back to the notes. I wished I could somehow contact the person who wrote the notes. Thankfully, James made a good suggestion during lunch:

»When you want to contact your secret admirer, write him a letter. «

»And how should I give it to the person? It's not like I know who it is! «

James sighed.

» I am aware of that. BUT your secret admirer opens every morning your locker to place the note in it. Write that letter and lay it in your locker so your admirer can see it tomorrow. «

I thought about it for a moment.

»That is actually a very good idea. Thanks James. «

He smiled weakly at me. And I did what he suggested. I wrote the letter.

_Dear secret admirer,_

_I can't deny that I feel attracted to you. This sounds probably really stupid, since I have no idea who you are. The reason I am writing this, is because I am actually worried about you. Your notes seem to sound very sad and kind of desperate lately. If you are worrying, whether you have a chance or not, I can tell you that you have a chance. How about we meet for a date or something. I would really like to meet you. You seem to be genuine and a good person. You know how to contact me. I would be happy if we would meet. _

_Yours sincerely, _

_Logan_

I put it in my locker after my last class ended and left.

~Time Skip~

Later that day I spent some time with Carlos. After a while I asked him something I wanted to know for some time now:

»Carlos, James doesn't like me, does he? «

He looked puzzled at me.

»Why would you think something like that? «

»He always seems to be distant towards me. And today when we talked about that letter he acted weird. «

Carlos sighed.

»He does like you. It is just…James is a very complex person and he has a lot on his mind lately. And additionally, he misses Kendall during school. «

»He can do something with him. He knows I have no problem with that. «

Carlos nodded.

»Yeah. But I am always with you. Kendall doesn't like it when he separates me and James. So every time James tries to sit with Kendall during lunch or something Kendall sends him off. «

»That is unusually nice of Knight. Don't you miss him? «

»Of course I miss him. A lot actually. But I am a lot more optimistic about things. So instead of focusing on the fact that Kendall isn't next to me, like James does, I focus on the fact that I can spend time with Kendall after school. «

»Like you do later. «

He nodded.

»You know normally I wouldn't leave so early, but Katie has a play today. I have to see it. «

»Don't worry. That's fine. «

»You could come too. «

»I-what? You promised me you wouldn't force me to interact with Knight! «

»Logan, calm down. I just asked you nicely. I won't force you. Besides, Kendall will be focused only on Katie. I doubt he will realize that you are there. «

I frowned.

»Fine. I trust you Carlos. I'll come with you. But when Knight tries to something, I will leave. «

Carlos nodded beaming.

~Time Skip~

An hour later we arrived at the small school theatre, where the play would happen. In front of the door I could see James standing next to an auburn haired woman. We walked over to them. When James saw me his eyes widened in surprise for a short moment.

»Logan…What a nice surprise to see you. «, he said.

I smiled at him feeling a bit unsure.

»Carlos invited me. «

James looked at his boyfriend, who snuggled in his side and smiled sheepishly.

»How nice of him. «

»So, you are the famous Logan? Carlos and James told me so much about you. «

I looked at the woman, who smiled warmly at me. I held my hand out and said:

»Pleasure to meet you. «

She smiled even more and pulled me into a warm hug. I yelped surprised and blushed.

»I am Kendall's and Katie's mom. Call me Jennifer. «

I smiled and nodded.

»Mama Knight, where is Kendall? «, Carlos asked.

»Inside with Katie. I think he is giving her a pep talk. «

Carlos laughed.

»As if Katie would need a pep talk. «

Jennifer smiled.

»True. «

»What is this play about? «, I asked.

»It is a rewritten version of Frozen. «

»You mean Frozen like the Disney movie Frozen? «

Jennifer nodded. I was about to say something when another voice cut me off.

»Mom, they are starting soon. And Katie looks absolutely adorable in her costume. Don't tell her I said that. «

Jennifer chuckled.

»Lets go inside. By the way, Kendall. Carlos invited Logan. You should greet him. «

Knight looked at me surprised. Apparently, he didn't see me before.

»Logan. What a nice surprise. «

He glared at Carlos. Without more words we went inside and sat down. I sat between Carlos and Jennifer. I leaned towards Carlos and asked quietly:

»Who does Katie play? «

»She is Elsa. «

I nodded.

~Time Skip~

The play was actually awesome. And Katie was a great Elsa. After the play ended, Katie came to us in her light blue Elsa dress. Kendall hugged her.

»You were awesome Katie bug. «

The girl glared playfully at her brother.

»Shut up, Kenny. «

Knight laughed and Katie noticed me.

»Who are you? «

»I am Logan. «

I wasn't sure how to speak with her. To be honest I had not much experience with speaking to ten year old girls.

»Logan…Oh! Logan…I understand. What are you doing here? «

»Katie! Don't be so impolite. «, Knight and Jennifer scolded her immediately.

»Carlos invited me. «, I said insecure.

She nodded. Then he grabbed Carlos ear, pulled his head down to her and dragged him with her into a corner of the room. It was actually a really funny sight to see that. I could see that Jennifer tried to look disapproving, but she smiled. James and Knight smiled too, but they also rubbed absentmindedly at their ears. I guessed Katie did that at some point with them too. When Carlos came back, he looked upset and sad.

»Are you okay? «

He waved with his hand.

»I am fine. «

After Katie changed into normal clothes we went outside and parted there. Carlos drove me home. During the drive, I asked:

»Does James know who my secret admirer is? «

»Why are you asking? «

»It is the only reason I can think of that explains why James is acting so weird. «

Carlos sighed.

»James knows. And he is worried you will hurt the person. «

»Do you know. «

He nodded reluctantly.

»I am not really worried to be honest. You would never hurt someone. «

I nodded.

»You won't tell me? «

»No. It is not my place to tell. «

~Time Skip~

When I opened my locker the next morning, I gasped shocked and surprisingly very sad. There was neither a note nor a rose.

**How do you like it? Please tell me what you think. Review. **


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanks for all reviews, I love them. **

**I am sorry it took me so long. But I was sick and had a shitload of homework to do. **

**Chapter 11**

**Kendall's POV**

After my first note, a lot more followed. I used the songs from my songbook. Some I wrote years ago, like _Cover Girl_, and some songs like _Everything has changed_ or _Could you be home_ I wrote for Logan. I felt good to have a way to express my feelings. It has been a long time since I wrote songs and I didn't even know how much I missed. I felt still cautious about love and all that stuff, but I didn't sleep with anyone. Mostly for Carlos sake though. I thought it would be okay to have one night stands WITHOUT making them think I love them, but Carlos didn't like the idea and I couldn't stand the disappointed look he gave me, so I did as he wished. After some time this caused me to become sexually frustrated. A lot. But thankfully, I still had my right hand to relieve myself.

I wrote the first note in the middle of September. A month after I started I gathered my courage and told my mom and Katie about Presley. With Katie reaction I was able to cope. She slapped me and told me that I was an idiot and some other things I didn't know that she knew them, but after a few days she hugged me and made me promise to never hurt someone as much as I did back then. My mom's reaction was the most awful thing I ever had to endure. Her look at me was so completely disappointed and shattered; it made my body, heart and soul ache. And then came the silent treatment. Mom didn't speak to me for two whole weeks and even after that she only said short things to me or gave me one-word responses. It's not like I could blame her. I kind of deserved it. But I still wrote Logan notes and put flowers into his locker. I always used roses, because they were my favorites (not that I would admit that out loud). After a few weeks Carlos told me that they are Logans favorite flowers, too. I had to smile, because of that funny coincidence. But I took it as a good omen that Logan and I shared interest, which would make a relationship easier and better. Sometimes I added sweets to the rose. Thankfully, Carlos and James could tell me what Logan liked. His favorite was chocolate, more precisely Milka chocolate. It is the most popular chocolate brand in Europe, but very rare in the USA. Carlos told me Logan absolutely loved that stuff. So, I bought sometimes a bar for him. And I wrote one letter to him.

_Dear Logan,_

_Hopefully this doesn't freak you out, but I really really like you. And I know that you will never like me back for a special reason. But nonetheless I will continue to send you some little goodies. I don't know if I will ever reveal myself to you. Please don't try to figure out who I am. It wouldn't do any good. Neither for you nor for me. _

_Your Secret Admirer_

Logan and I had the first class of the day together so I could see his reaction. He always came into the room, beaming and clutching the note and the rose. Every time I saw how happy he was, butterflies fluttered in my stomach. He was beautiful even under normal circumstances. But when his chocolate brown eyes glowed and he smiled and revealed his dimples…I don't know…He is just… breathtaking. Over the weeks I became kind of depressed, because the knowledge that Logan hated my guts, hit me very hard, especially, since I knew it before.

~Time Skip~

»Are you okay, Katie Bug? «, I asked when I fussed over her dress.

She rolled her eyes.

»Yes, Kendall. I am fine. «

»Nervous? «

»No, Kendall. And before you ask another ten times, it won't change! «

I chuckled.

»Just wanted to make sure. «, my voice was off.

Katie sighed and hugged me.

»Kendall, if you start like Mom with this whole _Look at you! My baby is all grown up_ shit, I will hit you. «

I chuckled and scolded her at the same time:

»Katie, don't say shit. «

When Katie went off to get ready, I went outside thinking. When Dad left, I was seven and Katie barely a year old. In absence of our father, I raised Katie together with my mom. And additionally I felt the usual big brother protectiveness feelings. And to be honest lately I had a hard time seeing Katie like that. Only a few days ago I became sixteen and she was already ten. I don't know…It's hard to explain. I just had the feeling that time flies by too quick and that Katie could be tomorrow a teenager wanting nothing to do with me or drinking and having sex or something. I didn't want that. I wanted her to stay the cute ten year old she was, forever.

»Mom, they are starting soon. And Katie looks absolutely adorable in her costume. Don't tell her I said that. «, I said as I stepped outside the hall to my family.

Mom chuckled.

»Let's go inside. By the way, Kendall. Carlos invited Logan. You should greet him. «

My blood ran cold. I looked at Logan, who stared with those big doe eyes at me. My stomach fluttered, but at the same time, I was frightened.

»Logan. What a nice surprise. «

I glared at Carlos, who had at least the decency to blush and avert his gaze. During Katie's play, I concentrated solely on my little sister and ignored Logan's presence. After the play ended Katie came to us still wearing her latest costume: Elsa's trademark ice blue dress. I hugged her.

»You were awesome Katie bug. «

She glared at me, but I could see she was very happy and glad that everything went well.

»Shut up, Kenny. «

I laughed. When Katie noticed Logan, I tensed. I didn't know how she would react.

»Who are you? «

»I am Logan. «

He sounded so unsure. It was so cute; I wanted to cuddle him, until he felt better. That thought scared the shit out of me. With a crush I was able to deal, but with that? No. She narrowed her eyes and I could see her mind working.

»Logan…Oh! Logan…I understand. What are you doing here? «

»Katie! Don't be so impolite. «, Mom and I scolded her immediately.

It was like a reflex, I didn't really thought about it. I was busy trying to foresee how Katie would react.

»Carlos invited me. «, Logan said insecure.

I cooed inwardly until I stopped myself. Katie nodded. Then I grabbed Carlos ear, pulled his head down to her and dragged him with her into a corner of the room. It was actually a really funny sight to see that. Mom tried really hard to look upset, but she smiled nonetheless. I rubbed at my ear, thinking about the last time she did that with me. When Carlos came back, he looked upset and sad.

»Are you okay? «

He waved with his hand.

»I am fine. «

After Katie changed into normal clothes we went outside and parted there. We drove James home and headed home ourselves. Then I texted Carlos to make sure, he was okay. He told me that Katie scolded him for bringing Logan along. Apparently, she thought that would hurt me. I assured Carlos that he didn't do anything wrong and that I barely noticed him. That made him cheerful again.

~Time Skip~

When I arrived at school the next morning thirty minutes early like usual to put my note into Logans locker. When I saw a letter addressed at me, I was surprised. I took it out and read it.

_Dear secret admirer,_

_I can't deny that I feel attracted to you. This sounds probably really stupid, since I have no idea who you are. The reason I am writing this, is because I am actually worried about you. Your notes seem to sound very sad and kind of desperate lately. If you are worrying, whether you have a chance or not, I can tell you that you have a chance. How about we meet for a date or something. I would really like to meet you. You seem to be genuine and a good person. You know how to contact me. I would be happy if we would meet. _

_Yours sincerely, _

_Logan_

I recoiled from Logan's locker. Before I ran outside, I slammed the locker shut. I jumped into my car and curled into a ball. I felt really bad. I mean of course I wanted Logan to develop a crush on me, but now I felt terrible. If Logan would know that it was me, he would probably be disgusted and full of hate. And I felt terrible for kind of lying to him.

**Logans POV**

I opened my locker after my first class still sad that there was no note this morning. But now there was.

_'What the hell?'_

At first I took the flower. Today was the first time; I got not a red rose. It was a blue one this time and to be honest I liked it. Then I opened the note:

_I would have taken you skating_

_Dancing under the lights_

_All I want for Christmas baby is to break the eyes_

When I went to my next class, I smiled happily.

**I hope you like it. What do you think happened between Kendall being in his car feeling bad and putting the note nonetheless in Logan's locker? Let me know what you think. Next chapter we will se a lot more of Kendall's feelings, so stay tuned. **

**Please review. **


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